Do you find yourself saying Yes when your whole being is crying out NO!!!? Why do we do this? There are many reasons why lots of people find it difficult to say no. Here are just a few, do you recognise any of these in yourself?:
- Lack of self worth
- Fear of missing out
- Fear of rejection
- Life long people pleaser
- Lack of self respect
- Fear of hurting others
- Lack of boundaries
Saying yes to everything all the time is not good for you it says to the world that you do not value yourself or your time and believe that everyone else, their issues, problems and demands are more important than you. This is not true.
Every time you allow yourself to be pushed or manipulated into making decisions contrary to what your soul is crying for you to say you are further fuelling the negative beliefs that you have created about yourself and your existence.
Now is the time for you to start to stand up for yourself and treat yourself with the love and kindness that you deserve. Here are some tips to help you say no that will not contravene your underlying kind and nurturing nature:
- Be firm. There is no room for wishy washy um’s and ah’s here. If you do not want to do something say NO firmly but kindly. This will earn you far more respect than always answering in the affirmative.
- Don’t offer excuses or apologies. You can say things like “No I can’t do that”. Or no “That is not possible.” Or even “No I don’t want to.” But do not go into great detail as to your decision. This will earn you self-respect for yourself. You do not need excuses or to explain yourself and your actions to other people.
- Don’t lie to get out of doing something that you do not want to do. This will just end up making you feel bad and if the people you are saying No to finds out you have lied to them then any respect you have earned by saying No will be destroyed.
- Don’t try and get out of the decision or delay it by saying that you “will think about it”. If you wanted to do whatever you have been asked you would have said yes. By saying that you will think about it, this leaves the situation open for you to have to say no at a later date and if you currently find saying No difficult, far from relieving your anxiety this just postpones it and you could end up dwelling on the issue or feeling as if you have to lie to get out of it later. Better to just politely say No in the first place.
- Saying Yes when you mean No can lead to feeling resentful towards others and just plain annoyed with yourself. It is far more beneficial to say No now than feel resentment later.
- Practice, think of different scenarios in which you would like to have said no in the past but ended up saying yes. Think of how you could have handled these differently.
- Give control to others to help take away some of the stress of the burden on turning things down and this will help to ease your responsibilities.
- If possible offer an alternative. For example, No I can’t do that but I can do… or No I can’t do that but I will see if someone else can do it for you.
These are just a few examples of how to start to say no. Practising this will help you to take back your power and regain control of your time and your life and will be a great start in setting responsible and realistic boundaries that are the very foundation to your self-worth.
